All in Flux
Last week, there was a storm. A treacherous, blustery, aggressive storm. Inside of me. As I walked along the coastline, submitting myself to the full brunt of the wind and rain, I knew that I couldn’t fight this storm. I just had to ride it out.
Wave after wave of self destruction, I allowed the thoughts to overwhelm me. Thoughts of, “I’m not good enough.” I watched the waves for hours, in their many shapes and forms. After some time I could see that the waves were not solid, or separate but a ceaseless process of change – rising up and then dissolving, coming together and dissolving again in a different form.
I observed this ceaseless flux of my mind – ego, emotions, intellect, senses – and could see nothing coherent, linear or solid, nothing that added up to create a whole…they all just rise up and fall.
As the sun began to sink, I could just see below the flux and the waves, there was something changeless there.
Walk the Talk
What I needed to be reminded of, in the midst of that treacherous storm is…there is no place to get to, no thing to do, no tricks to learn, no-one to be judged by and in fact, no one to be.
The thing is, during the storm, all I could hear was the crashing of waves. “I don’t know what I’m doing, or where my life is going, I don’t know anything” “No one likes me, Im all alone, I don’t even like me” “Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who will I become?” Ceaseless, relentless waves.
But you can’t get the rainbow without the rain, right?
Maybe it’s at this point we need to just stop. Stop. Stop being hard on ourselves (Practice Ahimsa!) Stop trying to change the way ‘things are’ and allow ourselves to feel whatever it is we are feeling (Practice Santosha!)
This is why we practice yoga, right? So when real life rises up and tests us we can apply what we’ve learned on the yoga mat.
Maybe it’s at this point, when nothing makes sense, you cannot remember all the things that happened to get you where you are today, all the things you’ve learned, and unlearned. When the mind is running wild and the heart is clouded with emotional reactions that we need to hold up our hands and surrender.
Faith in the Flow
In that release I found a sense
of relief, surrendering to something greater than myself and a trust that the universe will always conspire to support the highest good.
In that surrender I felt a space created, when we create space in our lives, our minds, our hearts, there is a greater capacity for divinity to flow through. Any resistance is just capping the full potential of abundance that is available.
Sometimes we just need to get out of the way, detach from our assumed sense of control and allow whatever is going to happen to happen.
We can’t always see the full scope of ‘things.’ We can’t see the whole ocean, just our tiny slither of coastline. When we surrender control of any particular outcome for our actions, everything we apply effort to becomes an act of trust. When that faith is at the core of our actions we are truly fulfilled and everything becomes a manifestation of grace.
Take a step back and just observe.
Take a step in and just feel.
Step aside, and give it all up to grace.
About Amanda Noga:
Amanda Noga is a yoga teacher based in Perth, Western Australia. Amanda fell into a passionate love affair with yoga, diving head first into Ashtanga, Vinyasa and Yin yoga practice. She cherishes the opportunity yoga creates to connect with breath, body and beyond and loves sharing the joy of yoga with others.